


Autophobia

by Peach_Thorns



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Oneshot, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_Thorns/pseuds/Peach_Thorns
Summary: Who knew how much damage one game of Volleyball could do?





	Autophobia

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Haikyuu fic so I hope y’all like it!

Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life truly felt weak last year. The sound of the ball crashing into the ground was sickening. He had set the spike perfectly, they should’ve scored. They would’ve scored, if anyone had actually spiked the ball. They hadn’t missed. They had willingly stepped away.

Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life truly felt alone. They had abandoned him. They didn’t even wait for the game to end first. He wanted to be angry. Hell, he should’ve been angry. He wanted to have the energy to scream at them. This could’ve waited. They could’ve done this somewhere else, at some other time. Somewhere private. Somewhere where he couldn’t hear the other team’s supporters laughing at him. The scoffing and chucking as he got benched driving him over the edge.

Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life had a panic attack. At the time however he did not know what was happening. He just felt nauseous. The court faded around him, as his brain screamed for him to escape. He wasn’t quite sure what he was escaping, but the feeling that he was going to puke drove as he jumped up to run to the bathroom. He nearly collapsed as he stood up, his hands were trembling and the room felt like it was spinning around him as he stumbled out to the bathroom. He was hyper aware of the feeling of eyes on him but couldn’t place where they came from. When he reached the bathroom he collapsed in a stall. He was hyperventilating and his heartbeat was deafening. He stayed in that stall for the rest of the game. No one came to get him.

Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life did not want to step onto the court. In fact the thought of stepping onto the court itself nauseated him. That realization broke him. Volleyball was his life. It was the only thing he had cared about. It wasn’t like anything came into his life that he cared about more. He just felt empty. He lacked the energy to even pick up the ball.

Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life skipped practice the next week. It certainly wasn’t the last either. His team abandoned him so he finally took the hint. Instead of joining them, he practiced at home. To his relief he could pick up the ball when he was home. As long as he was far away from that court he was fine. It might not be with a team, but at least he cloud still play. The thought hurt, but it hurt a hell of a lot less when the ball was in his hand.

Every day he practiced somewhere different. Locations that were closer and closer to a court each day. Eventually he was able to step back into his school’s gym one night. However he wasn’t able to set. It’s not that he wasn’t allowed to. In fact he had been asked to set by a first year who had stayed late. It wasn’t a physical block either. He could spike, he could serve, and he could receive. He just couldn’t set. Every time he tried that moment played through his head. He just apologized and left.

It took almost a month until he could set to a teammate again. That didn’t mean his heart stopped skipping a beat every time he did.

After joining Karasuno’s volleyball club, he thought he was finally over it. Until that sickening smack of the unspiked ball came back. Hinata hadn’t jumped. Before he could even look for him that day came flooding back to him. His breath hitched. There was no one in the gym with them, but Kageyama still felt the eyes on him. He heard the chuckles of the crowd. The room was spinning and he felt like throwing up. He was hyperventilating like crazy and too lightheaded to do anything but collapse where he stood.

“Kageyama! Are you okay?!” The yelling sounded like Hinata’s voice, but it was barely audible over the sound of his own pounding heartbeat and Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes which he had clenched shut.

The smaller boy slid over to his side and placed a place on his shoulder.

“Kageyama, can look at me?” Hinata pleaded, he was trying to sound calm but his voice has shaky.

Slowly Kageyama raised his head and opened his eyes.

“I want you to count with me, okay? Try to calm down.”

He nodded slowly.

“One...”

“...one.”

“Two...”

“Two”

“Three...”

“Three.”

They continued like that until Kageyama’s breathing settled. He had dug himself further into Hinata’s side at this point and was practically clinging to him.

“...Hinata?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks...”

“It’s fine. I— uh, do you get panic attacks a lot?”

“Panic attack..?”

Concern flooded Hinata’s face, “you do know you just had a panic attack right? Has that happened before?”

“Just once... last year... I didn’t know what it was...”

“Oh... well do you know what caused it?”

Kageyama only nodded. He had an idea, but it was so utterly embarrassing to him that he couldn’t say it. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata paused to took a deep breath, “Is— is it something I did? Or said?”

He buried his head in his arms. An attempt to dodge the question, but also a pretty obvious yes.

“... can you tell me what it is? I won’t make fun of you anything.. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me about it, but I want to know so I can stop doing it... please?”

“It... It was when you didn’t jump... it’s a really stupid and weak reason, but... when I set the ball and you didn’t try to hit it, that caused it... I think it’s that.” 

“... hey it’s not dumb, okay? I’m sure you have a reason. I’ll try my best to make sure I jump every time, so keep tossing it to me!”

Next thing Kageyama knew he was happy sobbing into Hinata’s chest. The warmth he felt in his heart was foreign and unknown sensation to him, but he did know one thing. Tobio Kageyama for the first time in his life knew he had someone who supported him. 


End file.
